Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. (James 1:19-20, 26-27 ESV)
If you read the last blog-post from Nick Hillard, you'll know we're talking about how we live, love, and minister in relationship with the people around us, particularly those that think or believe differently than we do. Nick did a great job so check out the last post and look for more guests soon.
As for me, I just wanted to meditate on one specific part of this broad and important topic, that part being LISTENING.
If you know me at all, you know that I struggle with using my mouth and ears in proportion. And though I've got miles to go, I've been learning a great deal these last few years about how to TRULY LISTEN to those around me. And I will say, firstly, that real and compassionate listening is more than just not talking. Many of us are far too good at politely refraining in conversation, but in truth we are usually just waiting our turn to say the next thing we have on our mind instead of hearing, evaluating, and even praying about what to respond with in our conversations.
I don't want this post to sound, simply, like an old mother teaching manners to unruly children. I believe listening with the ears of Christ is HUGELY IMPORTANT for any effective friendships and ministry. If REAL, LIFE-CHANGING, DISCIPLE-MAKING, FRIENDSHIP-BUILDING ministry comes from a place of true, genuine care for the other person(s), then hearing the person's heart is CRITICAL.
Don't pretend to know their pain, LEARN their pain by listening to their troubled stories. NEVER put a person or the situation of that person into a general category or template if you hope to see real fruit or change. The people in my life that inspire me, with their outrageously successful love, are the people that let the hurting soul cry on their shoulder and weep with them, NOT the person that sifts through his stock answers and callously whips out the first answer he can find.
And this is super important, WE CAN NOT BE AFRAID OF LISTENING, ESPECIALLY FOR FEAR OF LOSING FAITH. What I mean by that is this: if your faith is real and deeply rooted, you should never fear the differing opinions of other people groups and belief systems. It is not Christ-like to, when a friend of another faith begins testifying about their religious journey, get up and leave a conversation with someone you supposedly love because you fear they'll destroy your personal faith. How strong is a faith if it can be completely deconstructed in the face of one different opinion. Jesus and the gospel seek out people of uncountable numbers of understandings. Believe in Jesus and ignore fear. Fear keeps us from love and the ones that need love. And DO NOT be impatient or have agendas in your listening and relationships. You may spend YEARS walking in life with a person before (or if) he or she ever gives a serious consideration to YOUR faith or belief. The goal is to show real love, not to mark salvations on your sanctification scoreboard. If you really love someone (and you're a Christian) you'll want them to know Jesus, but that's REALLY UNLIKELY if you're just a fake with an agenda and no interest in that person's heart.
We must go to the broken, the widowed, the lost, and the wicked for the purpose of loving them with Christ's love that He has freely given us. BUT WE MUST GO WITH TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH, using them in the proverbial proportions. Don't guess at their pain, LEARN IT. Love by listening so that you might see where their joy and pain comes from. Who knows, maybe the Lord will speak to them in the silence you're afraid of. That awkward pause in conversation might be the moment where Jesus speaks to an intimate wound that neither you nor that person were aware of... BECAUSE YOU WERE LISTENING!
Listen to the Word, Listen to the beliefs and stories around you, and THEN speak as the Truth gives you instruction. The religion God desires is effective and genuine love to the lost and hurting, not our practiced speeches, foolish fury, or careless words.
Blessings to any that read this
---Grady Milligan
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