So I'd like to spend some time looking at an old churchy phrase that you may have heard. It goes like this: "Make a friend, be a friend, bring a friend to Christ". Now if you are like me at all, there may be some immediate cringing that ensues whenever you hear something with this much of a W.W.J.D. ring to it. However, in talking about doing real-world ministry, this dorky catchphrase might have some applicable weight to it. So bear with me and let's look at the three parts of this phrase: making a friend, being a friend, and bringing a friend to Christ.
To start, let's look at Luke 10:1-12 which reads:
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road. Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace be to this house!’ And if a son of peace is there, your peace will rest upon him. But if not, it will return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages. Do not go from house to house. Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick in it and say to them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ But whenever you enter a town and they do not receive you, go into its streets and say, ‘Even the dust of your town that clings to our feet we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this, that the kingdom of God has come near.’ I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town. (Luke 10:1-12 ESV)
One thing that should be clear, if we have any understanding of Jesus and His call for us to share the good news, is that we must GO TO PEOPLE. And if the Kingdom of God is to grow, it makes sense that He means for us to regularly meet and interact with new people. And this destroys some of us. Many of us HATE the Make A Friend part of walking with others, not because we hate friends, but because of the incredibly awkward potential in the introductory stage of relationship. The thought of sputtering through our first conversation with someone new is enough to send us scurrying straight to our smartphones to hide behind our headphones in a corner of the coffee shop
But maybe the passage from Luke can give us some peace in its instructions. Jesus told the disciples to find people of peace wherever they went. We, the believers, are told to look for the people that God has placed strategically in our path and to dwell with them. I don't mean to live with them, since most of us are not in the old disciples' context of nomadic ministry. But we are told to invest our time, love, and effort in relationship with the people that welcome us in. And when Jesus said to greet no one on the road, I believe He's simply saying "let nothing distract you from where you know God's calling you." There are tons of lovely people in the world. But if you know you're supposed to be pursuing relationship with a certain person don't be pulled in 1,000 other directions.
So who are the people of peace we're called to? Sometimes people of peace are believers and sometimes they're not, which is awesome. Sometimes it's a whole group, establishment, or community that welcomes us in to relationship peacefully. And maybe, for the nervous and shy believer, there is some relief in this. Though God may very well call us, in specific moments, to reach out to someone that has made it clear we are not welcome, I believe, for the most part, we are called into relational ministry with those that open their hearts and doors to us. I don't think it's the Christian's job to just annoy people into accepting us. God has placed so many open doors of relationship in our circles and I believe our job is to listen and look with the Spirit for those opportunities in our schools, workplaces, and otherwise.
Also, when people come to us and make the first move towards friendship, we need to apply everything we just talked about and ask God to make us people of peace to others. Being open to people that seek us out is critical and maybe as difficult for some of us as approaching people ourselves. But James chapter 2 makes it very clear that the sin of partiality, of receiving one and not another, is not the way the Church is called to act when people, lost or found, come to us.
God help us to be compassionate and not retreat when people open their world to us. Let our comfort zones not be an excuse. In the name of Jesus, amen.
Now this next part of relational ministry, BEING A FRIEND, is the part that really gets my heart stirred up. And ironically it's also the part that convicts me the most and the part I fail at the most. And I think that may be true for many of us, because BEING A FRIEND is work! And it's sometimes difficult work. But sometimes it's not and it's the best part of our day. Either way it is so critical and it's so worth it. So let's talk about BEING A FRIEND.
The first thing that defines real friendship is the intention behind it. Why do we want to be friends with people? Is it because we get something we need from a person, or because they are a step toward a goal? Or maybe we feel a religious obligation to win a soul for our spiritual scoreboard thru clever marketing of a truth and a carefully sculpted outward appearance? Hopefully we would answer these hypotheticals with a resounding NO. I believe our intention in befriending people must be this: TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM! Yes, we want all the people around us to be saved and know Christ, and we'll talk about that momentarily. But we must also, as Christians, be very wary of accidentally loving our agenda for a person instead of the person. We should love and befriend people as God loves and wants to befriend them: where they are and in whatever state we find them. We must tune into the Lord's genuine desire for the people around us. And two things that I believe help us to do that well are transparency and sincerity.
There is something we must remember about almost all people everywhere: NOBODY LIKES A FAKE OR A HYPOCRITE! Seriously, none of us want someone who isn't real around us! So we must take great care not to be that kind of person. And that is where transparency and sincerity come into play.
To be transparent, to let the people and the world around you see all of you, can be terrifying. None of us, in our flesh, want anybody to know our scars, failures, and shortcomings. We dislike vulnerability. But if we hide these things and try to display a polished version of ourselves that is devoid of struggle or pain, no one in the real world will want anything to do with us. Even if we are trying to bless someone by showing them a shining example of faith in action, people can smell a faker a mile away. Yes, we're made clean in Jesus. Yes, we want to model real faith. But real faith exists in broken, humble vessels saved by grace. Here's the thing: you are not hurting the gospel by being a real and honest believer who tries his best and still falls down a lot. None of us are good enough for the Lord. It is God in us that holds all the righteousness. It's important to let people know from the get-go that we are broken people serving a perfect God, who experienced brokenness, to make us perfect. We are a people in a process. So we must be transparent about this "already-and-not-yet" state we live in. We are ALREADY made new AND we are BEING made new. We have struggles just like everyone else. Don't pretend that's not the case and hide your scars, they may be a huge blessing to the hurting people around you.
And side by side of transparency we must also carry sincerity. People want to be pursued, loved, and encouraged by genuine people. As we walk with the men and women around us, and as God brings peace into growing relationships, our compassion must be real and from our core. If we really love someone we will weep, laugh, learn, and struggle with them. You don't give someone a shoulder to cry on because of religious obligation, you give them your shoulder because you grieve sincerely for their pain. We get stoked when our friends get that big promotion or their sick kid gets better because our hearts are invested in their joy. We should care so deeply, for the people God leads us into relationship with, that we would lay down our very lives for them. That's how Jesus challenges us to love them, whether they're believers or not. Remember, Christ died for US while we were STILL SINNERS.
This all brings me to the last third of the day's dorky Christian saying: "bring a friend to Christ."
Now please don't think I'm crazy or terrible when I say this, but I'm not a huge fan of this phrase. Let me explain myself. My greatest hope is that Jesus will be made so real to those around me that they will know Him as Lord and receive new life forever and ever. But my beef with the phrase "bring a friend to Christ" comes from a misunderstanding I believe many Christians have about how faith in Jesus comes about in relationships. Helping a person we love encounter Christ, let alone KNOW Him, is often a dedicated and time-consuming effort of walking in the transparency and sincerity we talked about. I think we must get away from being the weirdos with bullhorns, yelling at people we don't care about, and become the weirdos that love people with radical sacrifice. We must to do away with the notion that if we just get our non-believing friends to repeat a prayer with us, all will be well.
Here are some things to think about, in regards to bringing people to Christ. First off, it is super important to remember two things about yourself, as a believer:
You are part of the body of Christ
You are His temple and a part of His Church
If you approach life and friendship with these things in mind, it might be more accurate to say we are called to bring Christ to people. Or maybe it's even MORE accurate to say we must follow Christ IN US as He reaches OUT to hearts AROUND US. If we have the Spirit of God living inside us, then it should follow that people will encounter God if we are actively pursuing Him while we're pursuing people. If you are holding to your convictions, living in the Word, and praying as you hangout, eat, play, and struggle with those you love, it should be inevitable that they will be brought into Christ's presence. And this doesn't have to manifest in forced, awkward situations. Maybe they experience Christ without even knowing it at first. Maybe in a moment of vulnerable brokenness, your friend comes to you and the Lord gives you the perfect words of wisdom and encouragement for them... and it breaks them to the core. Maybe the name of Jesus isn't even mentioned, but later your friend asks you where you get the peace you shared with them, and that's Jesus. Or maybe God breaks through in their life in unexpected ways because you're constantly lifting them up in your prayer time. Don't underestimate the power of God's presence in prayer, whether alone in intercession or with your friend in person (if they accept and are comfortable with that). In all of these examples, it's just about looking out for little moments to give freely from the hope that you've received freely. Love your new friends well and be wise and open to what the Spirit shows you, this is how you avoid being forced or unauthentic. And here's the thing: they may not take any of it.
If you look at the gospels and see how people interacted with Jesus, you will quickly find out that many, many people met Jesus and nothing changed. Even disciples that walked with Christ closely and saw Him do crazy things sometimes turned away. If we're honest with ourselves, we forget the Lord frequently and sometimes immediately after He intervenes in our lives. So it should not surprise us, in fact we should expect it, when the people walking close to us reject, ignore, or even push against the Spirit in us. And we cannot be turned off or offended when this happens. No matter how bad you want it for them, belief and faith in God will always be between the other person and God. I have friends that have suffered through long and terribly awkward sessions of me ignoring this. I have kept people awake until 4 a.m. trying my very best to say the most perfect and piercing things I could to help them convert.... and I think it did more harm than good. I know people have had great experiences where they boldly shared the unadulterated gospel to a relative stranger and they fall down in repentance toward Christ. Who knows? You may be called to be a part of such an experience. But often, especially with smart and hurting nonbelievers, nothing short of a lot of time, a lot of love, and the working of God on a hardened heart will bring someone into regeneration through Christ. And when you really dig into it, the direct work of God on our sinful, broken hearts is the ONLY HOPE any of us have. And when and if the person you're walking with comes to you wanting the Spirit you have, then hallelujah! Praise the Lord and go to Christ with them. Bring them to Christ by going into His presence hand in hand with your friend, as is your privilege as a child of God.
A couple closing thoughts. This is some of the easiest and hardest stuff. It's the most incredible thing to live life with people God loves and teaches you to love. It's also incredibly challenging to be vulnerable as your friends are vulnerable with you. Philippians chapter 2 tells us that Christ, the most deserving King, became the lowest servant and called us to live reflectively of that. And that's another thing: you can't reflect Christ if you're not spending time with Him! Your personal prayer, study, and growth in Christian community are all critical if you are to have any hope in the world and lives around you. Stay near the fountain if you want to have anything to pour out.
Seek the open doors God has placed in your path. Go and make relationship with the hurting people Jesus loves. Be so genuine and sincere in your compassion that everyone knows you've got something in you that doesn't line up with the malicious world they know. And ask boldly that the Spirit would give you opportunity to show people Christ, the Savior that loves them.
Jesus, let us be real. Show us, in each moment, what we must do to be the healing you want for the ones around us. Let Your kingdom come and give us Your heart so that we can love people more than they know what to do with. In the name of Jesus, amen.
- Grady Milligan
